Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
