So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
