I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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