Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
