tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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