My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
