Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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