sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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