I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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