I didn't shave. On purpose
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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