About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
