What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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