She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
