Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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