I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
