Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
