I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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