Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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