I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is my gift to your gina
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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