I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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