Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
