I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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