dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
