Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
