3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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