It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
