You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
