I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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