ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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