There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
