Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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