the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
