Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
