i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
