i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
