The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
