I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's always time for handjobs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
