How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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