so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
