Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
