There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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