There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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