If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
