i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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