the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
