i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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