He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
