Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
