Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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