I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
