I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
