Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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