note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize