Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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