Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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