i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
