We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
