I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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